dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
