Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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