so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
