Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
