I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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