I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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