weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bring me that man meat
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize