So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
