we're blogging at a bar
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
