i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
