he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
