I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize