just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
