He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
