I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
