It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
