I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize