I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
