he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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