dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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