did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize