They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
