apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
COCAINE IS GR8
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
