Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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