just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
