Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Terrible idea I love it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
