pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
