having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Boobs are out for the taking
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
