I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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