11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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