New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
