Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
