I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
