just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
