About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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