Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
