so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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