Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
