Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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