note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
