my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
