SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
