yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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