"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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