Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
