Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
