Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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