Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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