Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
