i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
