Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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