He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
