at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
