I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
