Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
