I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
