VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
