apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
