so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
