Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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