her vagine was all disorganized.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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