This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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