If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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