i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
