You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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