That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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