Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
