She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
