Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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