if i can run in heels then i can drive
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
