Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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