well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
