My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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